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Just today, I was on the phone with a client who was sharing the same experience with me: “It wasn’t until she showed me one really GOOD email from a guy that she started to get it.He asked her a silly question and started grilling her with more and more trivia questions, teasing her about what she might win if she got all the questions right.She played along and pushed right back and they’ve already got a first date lined up. ” She agreed, wholeheartedly.“So if a man can make you into a more engaging person by writing a witty first email, wouldn’t it make sense that you could turn a man into a more engaging person by doing the same?

In my first email, I usually ask a few questions and figure the female will answer them, which they usually do, but then they don’t ask anything of me but still seem interested.

So if everything you’ve been doing in your emails is ineffective – if everything that comes naturally to you is too dull – what ARE you to do? The other is called Opinion Openers, where, instead of stating a “me, too” fact (You like Bruce Springsteen? ), you offer your opinion – in which your personality shines through (Hey, if The Boss is from New Jersey, how come he sounds more like Woody Guthrie than Tony Soprano when he sings? So while I will acknowledge that being hot and stupid is more effective than being ugly and fascinating, the truth lies somewhere in between.

A great email will never make someone who doesn’t want to date you consider you, but it WILL tip the balance when someone is choosing between a dozen otherwise similar candidates.

We all want someone to set the tone and follow along, instead of realizing that we’re always setting the tone ourselves.

I realize that I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent from your original question, Dwayne, but this is important.