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Were it clear that Paul did not love me anymore, never would, and perhaps never had, I am sure I would have sought a divorce.
Instead, he expressed his love sparingly, and, as a result, inconsistently—a small act of kindness here when least expected, a nice dinner together there.
Intermittent Reinforcement and Addiction Decades ago, the famous psychologist B. Skinner observed that intermittent reinforcement of something of value (e.g., food for animals) creates highly addictive behavior. What I didn’t know, however, was that it was being used on me and is a cornerstone of emotional abuse.
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A slot machine is one of the most intuitive examples of how intermittent reinforcement works.
These machines have varying financial payouts at unpredictable times.
Isolation is a Huge Red Flag Isolation is a red flag that should never be ignored. Something like, “Don’t you dare have your own life, or I’ll withhold love from you.” Would he ever admit to that? Paul’s nonverbal message in this case, and in countless others, influenced me below my conscious awareness.